I am Yellow.

Today marked the beginning of my new journey as a graduate student pursuing a M.S. in MFT. So many letters!
I don't quite know what I was expecting when I first signed on. Perhaps I just hoped that things would be simple because it was a Cal State school (sorry, UC pride?) or perhaps I just thought it was something to do.
I walked into my orientation today to find that I was the only Asian girl in the cohort. Granted, our cohort is only 14 people big but still, it was a shock for me. I've been so used to being surrounded by Asian upon Asian that I immediately felt intimidated. Later, I became even more intimidated listening to how passionate each of the other students were about becoming a therapist. I listened as they talked about their future goals, their past experiences with research and the like, and I wanted to sink deep into my seat and disappear.
That's when the lies came.
"You should not have spent so much time on IV. You should've have been pouring into your future."
"Look how talented and driven everyone else is, what are you?"
"So much wasted time on ministry and messing around in college."
Lie upon lie upon lie. Needless to say I got home from all of this feeling very tired and beaten, and my school year hasn't even officially begun for me yet.
As I went to the gym to try and run off the stress I was beginning to feel, I just kept praying. Telling God of my fears. Telling God that I feel so utterly inadequate and that I have no idea what I've gotten myself into.
And He answered.
"You are my great reward. You're who I'm longing for. My beautiful inheritance, Jesus.
You've given me Yourself."
A song I haven't listened to in a long time, but one that I really needed to hear.
My choice has been Jesus all along. My choice has been that my faith came in first place and everything else would follow. While people poured into their careers, I waited and listened for my next move. I hoped and dreamed for things that were deep in my heart. And might I say, many things that have yet to come into fruition, but I trusted Jesus. I trusted God with my future and I think that is quite a feat in itself.
I will fight the lies and stop comparing myself. I refuse to let things bring me down when I should be filled with excitement and anticipation.
I'm always up for a challenge.
So, even though I have zero experience doing research or working in a lab, even though I feel like I'm completely out of my league, even though I know I'm going to have a strenuous academic year, I am trusting God again. I am letting Him take the reins and letting Him guide me.

Thank God for this opportunity. Thank God for a challenge. Thank God for the chance to really prove myself and work hard. No complaining.

Hello MFT program. I am your resident Asian girl. Let's do this.